Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Poetry Wednesday, Vol. 95

We are in the thick of it.  Three weeks into school, we all are sick, we all (and I include myself here) are whiny and coughing.  Abuela comes tomorrow, and I had really hoped to have a few projects done by the time she came, or at least I had hoped to not be sick!  This week we have been taking it easy, minimal school work, lots of TV, tons of tea and orange juice, enough echinacia to give us all the squirts and plenty of eucalyptus infused baths.

Even without being sick though, I wake up feeling behind.  This fall has been different for me because I have been attempting (attempting and attempting) to wake up early.  Early enough to read or exercise, early enough to pray before the kiddos get up.  I've been waking the girls up early so they can do their math and other school work before the boys wake up.  The husband is an early riser, and every once in a while we are able to pray together if my rising attempts are successful.  And by early riser, I mean 5 or 5:30.  Who does that?  What is wrong with him?  But maybe that's what I need to do.  Don't tell him though.

 More often than not by 7:30 I find my pulse racing, my temper shortening and harsh words escaping my mouth.  That's 7:30 AM by the way.  As in the morning.  There is just so much to do.  And I don't even mean the every day tasks of laundry, food, school, friends, etc.  It's the bigger stuff that needs doing.  There is so much my kids need to learn, so many things they need to see and experience, and how can we possibly fit it into one day?  One childhood?  They're grumpy today and there is a lot of complaining about the teensy amounts of work I ask them to do, maybe I've failed as a mother all ready!  We were going to read that book then do the project, but our museum membership is almost done and we need to go there, and now someone is biting someone and will he continue to do that when he's thirty and how will I teach them to love other people if they can't even love each other?

On the mornings that Mike and I are able to pray together, the day starts so much better.  On the mornings I pray by myself things are better.  Maybe there is something to that.  Maybe I need to pray more than I need to sleep.

We haven't done anything good for anyone in so long!  When will we ever be able to teach our children how to love the poor, how to give sacrificially, how to embrace Jesus in each person they meet?  We can't even embrace each other half the time!  I just yelled at Del and made him cry for being a boy and doing boy things.  I just stomped around like a teenager because I was asked yet again for a snack.  How will they ever grow up to be what I know they can be if I can't act like a grown up?





Morning Poem
by Mary Oliver

Every morning
the world
is created. 
Under the orange 

sticks of the sun
the heaped
ashes of the night
turn into leaves again 

and fasten themselves to the high branches ---
and the ponds appear
like black cloth
on which are painted islands 
of summer lilies. 
If it is your nature
to be happy
you will swim away along the soft trails 

for hours, your imagination
alighting everywhere. 
And if your spirit
carries within it 

the thorn
that is heavier than lead ---
if it's all you can do
to keep on trudging --- 

there is still
somewhere deep within you
a beast shouting that the earth
is exactly what it wanted --- 
each pond with its blazing lilies
is a prayer heard and answered
every morning, 

whether or not
you have ever dared to be happy, 
whether or not
you have ever dared to pray. 


Beth Hanna said...

You nor your house, nor your kids, nor your yard, nor whatever else is around you, needs to be perfect for my visit! We can clean up together - that is, if we have time with all the fun stuff we plan to do!!

Ruthie said...

You're a pretty amazing mama as far as I can tell. The kindness and intelligence of your littles speaks volumes :)

Shannon said...

I love and miss you! Ruthie is right. It makes me feel better to hear that I am not alone. This has been a crazy start to fall. The more I try to slow down...

Kris Livovich said...

Mom - glad you are here!

Ruthie - it was good to see you, too. I hope you get settled soon.

Shannon - See you Tuesday? It's been too, too long.

Beth said...

Thanks for this Kris. I so needed it on this day. Love to you.

Catherine said...

My husband gets up at 5:30 every morning too. Those guys are nuts! I try to hide his alarm clock on weekends.

Take care, Kris!